Being Myself

Hey Hey. It's been quite a long time since my last post.

Lately, I don't know why, blogging seems like a burden for me. It must contains something meaningful, informative, inspirational.. That's why I've been unconsciously barring myself for sharing these kind of stories, stories about my daily life.

But just around this past week, I realized that I had not been myself. I had covered up my true self with something that I hope seemed better. Thank God, I've realized before it gets worse.
Know what on earth can cause that behavior came out of me?

It's because when you don't want a particular person to see the weakness in you. Maybe because that person is reputable, maybe because you're being judged, or maybe because you have a crush on that person.

This is the first time I share it to you through my blog. For these past few months, I've been getting closer with one of my classmates. Well, we've been classmates for these 3 years, he's one of my 'khaki's also, and he has been my trusted chauffeur, ahaha.. We've been sharing stories about our lives. As time goes by, our closeness leads to another special feelings we both afraid to admit for the sake of friendship. Realizing there's 'something' going on between us, I changed. I become uneasy, and too much afraid of what he'll think about me. Well, this is a usual thing which happens when I like a guy.

I consulted to some of my closest friends and family. At first, my parents kinda excited but also freak out, coz I never shared about anything like this before with them. I prayed, asked God, if He's really want me to be with this guy, please make a way, and please let us become a better person and know You better through each other. After that, my parents always allows me to hang out with him, even compared to my other friends.

For now, my parents don't want me to get attached too soon, they're still afraid that I'll get hurt, but they're ok I'm getting close with him, as long as we can take care of ourselves. For us, to be honest, yes there are lots to be considered about, but we're enjoying this relationship. The term 'dating' for us seems not too suitable, that's why we don't claim ourselves as that. We're kind of in a building relationship to support each other.

For the first time, I confessed about this weakness (not being myself in front of my the person I have special feelings with) directly to the person involved, because I value this relationship more than just a romance between a couple. I explained with every courage, that I hate not to be myself, my considerations about him, my fears about the future, etc). That honest moment gave me such a relief. It makes me even understand myself better, and also the problem that I had for all this time. Gave me a breakthrough in my mindset cognitively. And I hope he feels the same.

Ilike this quote, "showing your weaknesses doesn't mean that you're not strong". ^^

~wanna share your life with someone? just be ready to show who you really are~
always be an Elizabeth.Agustina.Raharjo to listen